Circling the ice world of Ziggy Zarnon Kerflufle. Used the ship’s phaser to shoot a hole into the ice, and now lowering tether hooked to some rotten bacon as bait. Is ice fishing by interstellar spacecraft illegal? Sure. Is it outrageous? Only as outrageous as the price of genetically-engineered rocket salmon in the store.
Plus, I’m already extremely late for the rendezvous point – might as well enjoy it. The Herbatals have settled in nicely, piling their surprisingly sweet-smelling manure into beds. My wife Vivian has been sleeping for days – thank god robots have off-switches.
I now wait, like a spoiled brat on Christmas, for my giant fish to reel in… I am bored. It’s times like these that I ponder life’s great existential dilemmas. Most have been solved by the certified philosophers at the Galactic Ministry of Thinkin’ Good. The meaning of life is to ‘do good.’ Good and evil are real (my evil score is a five). And death is just a cheap method for inter-dimensional travel that is particularly useful when you don’t have any luggage.
Still, sometimes I doubt the great thinkers, especially since they’re certified by the same people who once made me a Star Armada captain. Money, sex and adventure are the meaning of life for me, along with a healthy dose of binge TV watching. Does that constitute “doing good?”
Another philosopher once stated that life was simply a competition, and the meaning of life was only to win. This philosopher, an ancient leader on Earth named Donald Trump, lived before mankind really understood the extent of the universe. To think, they believed the edge of the universe was a mere 46 billion light years away. Ridiculous. Nevertheless, if this ancient, wise leader was correct then I am doing only so-so in life. I mean, yes – I have a ship full of feces and a robot wife, and that puts me well ahead of most men, especially the ones with human wives.
But, if I think about the infinite pleasures Zebulan enjoys, or the vast fortune of Moninator 8000, my life seems a little… limited.
Could it be that “do good” has another meaning, and that by discovering it, I could finally be happy. Perhaps, the meaning of life is found not in wandering the cosmos looking for something to exploit or sleep with, but meaning is found in someone else. Maybe I need to hang up my smuggling pants and settle down, living for others… wait. I got something on the tether.
800-pound Kerflufle Fish. It’s a beauty. Pulling it through the atmosphere. Oh it’s cooking nicely.
What was I talking about? Ah yes, adventure and beautiful women. I believe I can sell this endangered fish for a nice haul, if there’s a shadowy sushi place in this region of space.
Overall, great day.